Hots Days
by AussieScum
Summary: Sometimes, the strain of the galaxy on your shoulders can begin to make cracks in you. So, one must relax every once and awhile to fill those cracks and find some peace. Then again, let's be realistic. This is Commander Shepard were talking about. When does he ever get to relax? Slight mentions of M!Shep/Jack.


The hot rays of the sun beamed down onto the beach, covering everything in its wondrous, life-giving glow. It was here that Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, First Human Spectre, and Destroyer of the Collectors lay. After destroying the Collector Base, and giving a well-deserved resignation from Cerberus to the Illusive Man, the N7 Marine of the Alliance and Commander of the space vessel Normandy SR-2 decided on an extremely important matter, and informed the entire ship's crew of his urgent decision.

They needed some rest and relaxation.

Nothing too big, mind you, as they still had the Reapers to face in the future, whether they appeared in six days or six months. But, they _did_ know they were coming, and the last few months had been stressful with trying to put down the enslaved post-Protheans that had been planning on extracting every human in the galaxy for a Reaper larvae. Every race in the galaxy would be fighting for their very existence in the near future, and so they had to be ready. So, even if this little bit of R & R temporarily removed the Reaper threat from the forefront of their minds, just these few days would be a stress-reliever for everyone on board.

So it was here that he rested on a beach chair, wearing N7 swim trunks and a grey sleeveless T-shirt, letting the tingling warmth of the sun's rays dance upon his skin. His eyes closed, he started to feel himself drift off into a light slumber, not a thing in this world to distract him or-

"Shepard-Commander."

Shepard opened his eyes reluctantly; turning his head just enough to look up at the only figure on his crew to speak that way. Legion, the only geth platform and crewmember onboard the Normandy (for good reason), stood above him, his body frame blocking out his view of the sun and his ocular lens adjusting into Shepard's line of sight.

"Hey Legion. You need something?" Shepard asked, putting his elbows behind him to prop himself up. Legion's platform shifted slightly, his lens and head-flaps readjusting before returning his gaze onto his commanding officer.

"We have noticed a constant irregularity in crew members during the recorded time frame of this course detour, and would like to make an inquiry to the highest relevant authority. You." He said. Shepard raised an eyebrow, giving his crewmate a questioning look.

"What's the problem?" Legion usually spent his time 'holed-up' in the AI Core, and from what he had told him, he gained new information for the consensus by either surfing the Extranet or watching vids, which barely occurred since EDI blocked his access from that time he broke through the firewalls of the Normandy, so normally he would just ask for personal input from Shepard.

So to say he had some kind of inquiry about the crew, which was the closest Legion could get to 'feeling' human curiosity or worry, was indeed worrying. He had to tread carefully.

"A consensus has been reached on this platform's inquiry. What is the consistency of organic self-sustainment protocol?"

Or not.

"Um…I don't think I follow Legion." Shepard said. At this point, his strategy of propping himself had failed, and he was sitting up, the sun raining on him once more as he looked at Legion for some kind of reasoning or explanation.

"Within the duration of Normandy's landing protocols, we have recorded and analyzed crew member behavior. A majority of Normandy's crew have come to a consensus of spending the allotted time performing specified actions that relate to this planet's major oceanic resources. We could not gain an understanding of the actions, and came to make an inquiry of them based on organic self-sustainment protocol."

Legion's lens turned to behind Shepard, and stared in that direction as the surrounding flaps on his head formed a questioning look. Following his gaze, Shepard looked behind is shoulder, and saw what he meant.

The rest of the Normandy crew was a couple of yards down the beach from Shepard, enjoying themselves as Shepard wanted some time to himself. Most of the Cerberus designated crew, like Gabriella Daniels and Kenneth Donnelly, were either in the shallow parts of the water and splashing about, or they were in the sand making castles like the ever cheery Yeoman Kelly Chambers. The same could almost be said for the original Normandy crew and the recent combat additions they had picked up.

On the sand, Doctor Chakwas and Jeff Moreau, original members of SSV Normandy, were laying on chairs brought down from the ship, talking of the crew's recent endeavors and reminiscing of past times. Recent additions Samara and Thane Krios were a few feet away, meditating on the sand and relaxing despite the splashing and shouting around them. Some like Miranda Lawson and Kasumi Goto were tanning, lying on chairs as well and making small talk, while a Jacob Taylor was simply tanning shirtless, showing off his 'rippling pectorals to any female crew members that passed by. Zaeed Massani, mercenary extraordinaire, sat back with a six pack by his side, and an M-76 Revenant resting on the ever-shifting beach ground, just in case things took a turn for the worst.

Things seemed to take a different turn in the ocean blue, however. Old time members of the Normady crew, Garrus Vakarian and Tali'zorah Vas Normandy, had changed their usual attire for something more suited for the water, and were currently splashing each other. Professor Mordin Solus, unsurprisingly, was standing knee-deep in the water, ignoring the waves as he watched readings come back on his omni-tool from a rather large conch shell he had found buried under the shallow waves. Jack and Grunt, two of the most obviously dangerous members of the crew were actually getting along.

This meaning that Grunt was trying to catch a fish with his bare-hands, and jack laughing and giving him some rather blunt insults whenever he missed.

Overall, this seemed like a normal day for the Normandy crew. However, he still didn't seem to understand why Legion was so befuddled about it.

"I still don't think I get what your implying here Legion." He stated after returning his gaze to the geth. His response from the geth was the many metal flaps and plates on its head moving up and back very quickly, before returning to its normal state.

"_Seems frustrated._" He thought, watching as Legion started to make small whirring noises, speaking with the consensus that resides in its platform. Even if Legion would say he could feel any kind of emotion, being a synthetic, Shepard had a small feeling that watching the crew was giving it a better understanding of them. His attention was brought back when the noises ended, and Legion brought his lens back to the view of the water.

"Take for example Creator Zorah and Vakarian Officer." He said. "Standard self-sustainment protocols for both are shown in records of A.I. EDI's records on Normandy. Normal sustainment measures occur in the designated rooms on Deck Three of Normandy for their designated sexual appearance. When the exit the areas, majorities of their bodies are temporarily free of foreign bacteria from combat and physical exercise. Further information would be shared on internal matters, but A.I. EDI blocks Normandy's firewalls on surveillance due to privacy and previous attempts of using the Extranet."

Ignoring the fact that Legion was talking about spying on the crew member's daily lives through EDI's surveillance cameras (who he would talk to later), he was able to pick up specific words Legion had used, mainly 'Deck Three' and 'designated sexual appearance areas'. He could only groan inwardly as he finally understood where Legion was going with this.

"You mean when the crew is showering?" Legion's reaction sadly gave proof to Shepard's theory, seeing as how it nodded rather rigidly.

"This is correct Shepard-Commander. Seeing as how protocol for organics call for mandatory sustainment and proper sustainment materials, where are their locations currently? Internal scans show that none have presence in the area thus far. This unit can return to Normandy and deliver them to crew members as necessary."

"No, Legion. Thanks for the offer, but it isn't need." Shepard said quickly, trying to stop the geth from doing so as his irritation started to return.

"Why is this Shepard-Commander? A better understanding would improve Normandy unit cohesion as a whole." Legion asked innocently, and Shepard could have sworn he felt something push onto his being. He then remembered where he had felt this before and what it was. It was annoyance, and he felt it every single day the more tension filled crew members fought with each other. So to avoid that, he tried another approach.

"Legion, can't you check the extranet for information like that?" he asked, hoping he could divert Legion from this topic, as he just wanted to get back to sitting back and enjoying his time off.

"Negative. With A.I. EDI's block on outgoing communications for this unit, we cannot access normally available data. The only available times for such actions were when this unit has been given permission to reconnect with the Geth Consensus. Such topics were not available or common when data was shared."

Great. So much for relaxation.

"_Might as well get it over with._"

"Well Legion," he began to say. "There's a difference. You see, what the crew does in the Normandy is showering. That's for when we clean ourselves up so we don't have problems like body odor, greasy hair, and…other things. What _they_ are doing over there," he said as he pointed to the crew in the water, "is called swimming. That is more recreational than hygiene related. It's good cardio exercise, a stress reliever, and it's a sport in some cultures. They'll need it later though, because the sand and salt in the water will get places. Do you get what I'm saying?"

Legion didn't respond for a moment, simply standing and watching Shepard as his lens slowly adjusted in and out. Legion stood like that for a minute, slightly creeping out Shepard until he finally stopped and spoke again.

"Data has been analyzed and recorded. Current crew actions do not harm unit cohesion, and instead result in improved cohesion through recreational activity. Is this correct Shepard-Commander?"

A quiet sigh of relief escaped Shepard, finally happy Legion understood. "Yes Legion, that's correct. Why don't you go and mingle with the others? We all could use some down time, even you."

"Geth do not need require relaxation time as organics do…" At that, Shepard felt like he wanted to just kill someone, because it seemed like he wasn't going to be left alone…

"However, this unit shall attempt to assimilate into recreational activities as per your orders." …until he heard that. With a short nod, Legion turned and finally started walking over to the rest of the crew.

Waiting for a few moments for Legion to walk away, Shepard finally let out a content sigh and laid back onto his chair. Finally being alone, he closed his eyes and let his mind start to drift off again, feeling content at finally having the time to rest and enjoy the short time they had before they had to return to their preparation for against the Reapers. Just laying their after that, he could already feel his body ready himself for a few short winks, preparing him for his trip into the wonderful abyss of dreaming…

_**WWHHRRRRRRRHRHRHRHRHRHRRRRRR!**_

"Holy hell!"

"Keelah!"

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

…until he heard the yelling and screaming and jumped out of his chair, eyes open and suddenly alert at the noise. Turning his head, he saw most of the crew running (and one hobbling) towards a part of the shallower water where Garrus and Tali had been, a small group already forming. He ran over as quickly as possible, his cybernetic implants pushing him faster than he had before his untimely demise. Reaching the small group, he pushed his way past a few crew members, briefly seeing Gardner before finally reaching the front.

"Everyone calm down! Someone tell me what…happened…here…" the commanding tone in his voice started to fade out as he pushed past the front, until something in his mind stopped him from speaking as he finally saw what was in front of him.

In the water in front of him were Garrus and Tali, where they had been before. They seemed slightly stunned, but were for the better part alright. But now, however, there was a new edition to their little posse. Legion was floating in the water in front of them, the usual lights in the hole in his chest were off, and his lens was dimmed. His efforts of trying to get up or even establish some balance on the small sandy shelf below him were failing miserably as his movements had become very jerky.

"I'll tell you what happened!" He turned his head, and saw that Jack had spoken. Being closer now he could see that she was wearing a swimming top and some basketball shorts, which he was pretty sure were his.

"_Probably took them after last night._" He thought, but quickly pushed that thought aside as he put his attention back on Jack.

"We're all standing out here, doing our own shit, when the lamp got in the water and shocked the fuck out of everyone!" she shouted, glaring furiously at the twitching geth in the water below her.

"Hm. Suggestions possible. Hole in chest reveals multiple wiring and pieces to geth hardware. Water connection to running electrical equipment caused shortage, then jumping to others in area. Would suggest check over of Legion. Ensure functionality." Mordin said quickly, already running scans on Legion with his omni-tool. "Tali'Zorah," he said to her, not looking up from his readings. "You are only one present with full expertise and knowledge of geth workings. Would ask for assistance, if possible."

A grumble escaped from Tali, before she nodded and motioned for him to help her. Even as she and Mordin were carefully lifting Legion out of the water, one would be able to hear her muttering things like '_Stupid bosh'tet, ruining my vacation' _and so forth if they were close. By the time they finally had Legion up and around their shoulders, most of the crew had returned to their spots from before, continuing their previous activities.

Except for Shepard, of course. He was watching the two of them start to carry off the geth crew member that had been with him minutes before.

"_Damnit, can't anything be normal around here?"_ he asked himself, and then realized how much that question didn't make any sense. Nothing was ever normal with the crew of the Normandy.

"Sh-Sheparrd-Coma-manderrr-."

The stuttered and fragmented voice made him loss his train of thought, and turned his attention Legion, seeing his head lifted and staring at him. The flaps were twitching every few seconds, and the lens, while brighter, were still not their usual glow, and were leaking water rather quickly.

"Yes, Legion?" he asked the geth, the all too familiar feeling of irritation returning.

"This u-unit hasss mad-d-de a conclusionnn on our pre-e-eviousss dissscusssion." Legion stuttered, most likely from the salt water starting to wear out his voice modulator.

"And what is that, Legion?" Shepard asked, his expression deadpan. He was hoping the answer had better be good, that Legion hadn't just ruined his R&R because he was curious, and he was most definitely hoping that the explanation given would be so detailed and marvelous that he wouldn't have to kill someone.

"…"

"…"

"T-this unit does n-not agree with waterrr."

"…"

"…"

"…"

It would be later in the day that Legion would still be wondering over why Shepard-Commander had brought his entire hand to his face with a loud _SMACK, _and continued to stand in that spot for the next hour, according to Pilot Moreau's comments.

* * *

**The work above this line does not belong to me in any way, shape or form. All characters, settings and details belong to BioWare.**

**Hello there readers! After...almost a year and a half... :\ ...I have finally published something. A one-shot as well. I will admit, it has been a long time. So, let me start with some things.**

**1) I have no idea what I'll be doing with Orangineer and TASBSPE. I'm sure that I'll do something with them in the future, but not now. With college close, I doubt I will have time to write, but I will try hard to get some stuff out, seeing as I will have butt loads of time. So until I can get some drafts written for them, you are more than welcome to write your own take on them, seeing as how I've gotten some messages on if they can be adopted or not. Until I can find something, feel free to get creative. Please send me links if you do, I would like to read them :)**

**2) I have many new story ideas, but no idea how to work them, seeing as how they are all fragments. I'll re-edit my page with story details I have so far, and I'll try to get a poll out in the next week to see which seems the most interesting.**

**3) The Sunday updates I announced awhile back stopped completely, so I'm scraping that.**

**4) I have some written prototypes in my computer that have been sitting there for months, so this might go back on number two. I'll get previews posted to see what you think.**

**So, leave your comments,reviews, PM's, and flames if you must, but it is good to be back. As always...**

_'This is Aussie Scum, an' have a g'day mates!'_


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